I started this blog back in 2011, posted 9 entries, and promptly forgot that I ever had a blog that I wrote in just because I wanted to write. I skipped over to WordPress tonight, because I wanted a little space of the internet to write about my life. My ‘I can’t believe this is my life because it’s so vastly different than any life I would have ever imagined me having’ life and discovered upon trying to create a website that my email had already been used. For this site. It’s so funny to me that four years have gone by, and I’ve thought about this blog… never. So it was great fun reading over the 9 thought-provoking (not really) entries that I’m sure I spent a lot of time and energy on.
It was interesting that my great dilemma of the time was finding our first home to purchase and being content with the fact that we weren’t going to get our dream house because here we are again, thinking of selling and buying that next home that will surely be everything we’ve dreamed of owning. But once again, owning the dream house is just above our budget. So even though so much has changed in 4 years, so much hasn’t. And I still struggle with being content.
Oh, ye of little faith. I’m sure I’ll look back in 4 years and think “What in the world were you worried about?” God has always provided for our every need and most of our wants, and I’m confident that He will do that again.
But man, why is life so circular this way? We think we grow up and mature and learn from our mistakes and life’s challenges and then, bam! We’re hit with the same old shit that’s plagued us in the past, and we continue to struggle with it! I’d like to think that at some point 30 years of living will result in some kind of wisdom instead of life reducing me to my perpetual 20 year old self.
Anyway, I’d like to think too that I’m not alone in this. I know I’m not. But let’s break out of the rut this time, huh?
I’m reminded of my cross country days. Our home course was used so many times during the fall season that the 3.1 miles were rutted out. You could run that course by looking at your feet the whole time. You could easily sludge along and never once look up. Never once assess where you were or who was in the front of you or what the next goal was. And if that was the way you were going to run, then really what was the point? Just to finish? Spoiler: every person can finish a 5k.
My life will end and at that time will I realize I was so intent on the little worries of life that I didn’t once look up and assess my goal? Will I spend right now sludging along, looking at the dirty rut and complaining about how much my feet hurt and secretly wishing I’d trip and be disqualified? Or will I realize that right outside the rut is beautifully mowed grass, hills of different sizes providing varied terrain and challenge, and mile markers, explaining how far I’d come and where I was going? The race becomes infinitely more enjoyable when you lift your head up and soak in the big picture.
I guess the point is is that right now is pivotal, as it was 4 years ago. Now is the time to be content. Now is the time to enjoy the process. Now is the time!
And heavens, please don’t let me read this in 4 years and chuckle at how silly I sound.
fallonthegrace 